good news for people who like bad news

"The whole of the english empire was built on cups of tea and if you think i am going to war without one you are sadly mistaken my friend".

Been busy, been self inflicted, been about.

Had a few castings, had a few big nights, mix those two together and what do you get?... a green tinge and dishing out apologies like an underrated meal. i threw up at a pretty important casting, blamed it on catching bulimia from other models and...got a call back tomorrow, as well as another casting for some jeans jazz. I have had more pressing issues at hand and neglected this "career".

on another hand I think i may have been so out of it i posed nude for possibly a gay magazine...you win some you lose some. i just happen to be losing more than I'm winning.

back to syd town in due time, talks of overseas travel towards the end of the year.

Dont be a stranger...and i'll stop looking at you from your front lawn (nice curtains, match the furniture)

its business time

shooting in brisbane for marie claire was hell fun, flights food drinks accomodation all paid for. we laughed, we drank, we put tears in beers and there was some pretty incredible shots of some stunning gals'.

there was a bit of a room mix up where i had to stay on the 9th floor with the girl from denmark which is just...not on. i mean come on! having to share a room with a beautiful international model? not my idea of fun....(for all you blondes that is sarcasm, sarcasm meaning the opposite of what you said, like opposite day aka "your as pretty as the day i met you.....=you've let yourself go"

My next little project is shooting for Kiss Chasey (the band...not the game, fun game tho).

"where the bloody hell are ya?"

off to queensland this morning shooting for Marie Claire's birthday issue as their numero uno man...theme-par-tay! working with a pretty sweet mother licking crew.

3days on the goldcoast then back to melb then back to syd then plans to go overseas.

i found narnia

i was filling in doing house painting and fell off the roof the other day and for...7(?)minutes i thought i was in narnia...i wasnt...i was in a flower bed making a dirt angel and i didnt have a cup of tea with mr tumness..i had mild anxiety and a tulip bulb in my spine

i see a red door and i want it painted black

So i had to smeagle my way back to melbourne last week as i was on my last legs.

My brother picked me up asking what my plans were... i told him

"the cornerstone of the english empire was built on cups of tea, lets go to a cafe and figure something out"

and we did.

I had a few castings down here, one for a bridal thingy and they gave us a questionaire "address: currently couch surfing" previous bridal experience: "no..but my sister got married and i learnt...pase yourself.. just because its free doesn't mean you wont pay for it in the morning"

met a girl (had a cup of tea) and safe to say i can use the L word..i'm deeply in lust! she may or may not be a model but she sure as hell is out of my league. two weeks in melb, dig up some scratch on the old work sites, a brush in my hand and a boss on my back.

then back to sydney with a box of earl grey and a brand new plan.

troubles got a new friend

well i think it was batmans dad that said "why do we fall son?"

young bruce "so we can pick ourselves up"

insert cheesy smile...and cut

so after having no money and no place to live, i did what any sane man would do... barely anything. I worked a night in a bar where (looking back it might have been a gay-bar) used the money to buy a ticket back to melbourne where i have a Lee/Wrangler casting tomoro and laboring on job sites for a two weeks.

then back to sydney, find a uni, pretend I'm a student and get cheap accomodation.

from bad...to worse...to Goudswaard

i'm in the latest issue of spook mag and... well i dont really care too much about that at the moment, i have more on my plate (not in the literal sense, i'm fucking starving)

here's the play-by-play;

Do a shoot... wait for pay (pay means food, a roof over your head, general well being and quality of life)

Do a shoot...wait for pay

wait for pay

no pay

no place to live (haven't made rent cant afford a new bond on a place either)

no food

no way of gettign abck to melbourne, looking as of tues to sleep on the streets of sydney with my Lowes enviromentally friendly bags full of all my possessions. so where does that leave me?

waiting for pay. homeless, hungry and broke... i'm surprised all the girls aren't queuing up

if your hapy with nothing, you'll be so veryy happy with me

hmmm seems I am staring rock bottom in the face.
after getting by the last 5days with access to only $1.43 in my account seeing as i haven't been paid yet, i realised something... peanut butter and stale bread is not a staple diet.
I wont go into details but I fucked up, I'm getting kicked out of my apartment and from the looks of things, if something doesn't go my way I'll be busking on the corner and judging by my singing voice... dead within the week.

not one to get down on myself, my pay will eventually come through, its just going to be a rough ride but the way i see it... I only learn the hard way and I wont repeat my many....many mistakes.

on the upside, I'd be the perfect poster boy for the next world vision campaign.

hugs for drugs

1 week in melbourne, 2 hospital trips.

I found what i was made of. Having no money, a world of pain and a wake up call i realised something... there's more than blood and bone under my skin.

Always learn from your mistakes, if you hit rock bottom bordering on homeless, clueless and heartless you need to take a hard look in the mirror and say to yourself "it's only up from here".

so I'll grow up fast, I'll growing up mean, my fists get hard and my wit gets keen.

i see a story in my head, and i pull it out

I chased a woman,

No man could tame,

Skin dark and golden,

Hair burned like flames

She started running,

Leapt right overseas,

I kept her in my sights,

She grabbed hold of me,

I started shooting,

The birth of our son,

Cocaine stole reason,

I bought a gun,

She stood there screaming,

No food for her boy!

Along with my blood,

My wife I destroyed,

I put down the needle,

And here’s what I saw,

My lovers body,

My son out the door

Time waits for no man

It drags down the street,

Second hand clothing,

Bare are my feet,

This isn’t living,

My dreams are all dead,

I broke all the boundaries,

Enough! The world said,

Hell’s where I’m headed,

It can’t be much worse,

I heard death's voice calling,

Thought my heart burst.

We started shooting,

Me and my son,

I shot the needle,

And he shot my gun.

I started falling,

pay for my deeds,

I thought about my life,

A life of bad seeds

(by josh g 18/4/2010)

remove foot from mouth

whoops, i had a casting for some jazz yesterday, sunglasses hut or something but the night before i was hell tired and didnt get much sleep because... well because im a man and i have needs, so to speak.

Anyway i went to this casting and there was this BABIN' casting director who looked as tired as me, i think she realised cause she asked "didn't get much sleep either?"

me in my sleep deprived state replied "yea.. I'm hell drunk" (5 seconds past and i realized i ment to say "exhausted" i was sober as a judge) luckily she laughed and explained she could relate, she'd just given up smoking and coffee... wow i had nothing in common with this lady. so she took a few photo's had a good laugh and we went our separate ways.

I'm not holding my breath for that job.

back to melbourne now for puff's 21st where i wont have to lie about being tired or drunk.

so i dropped a bullet in his lap and said "the next ones coming a lot fucking faster"

if alcohol gives you confidence then last night i was the prince of fucking tequila town, and kings cross my castle.

i did a shoot for ben sherman yesterday which was.... long. i wasn't allowed to sit down or i'd "crease the clothes" after 6 hours of standing up i thought i was going to top myself.

it wouldn't have been too bad if i didn't try my hand at martial arts the night before (walked past russell crowes apartment but i didn't have a phone to throw at him).

So i talked to the pretty french girl who works down stairs, organised to go out for a drink, she came, i jumped off my balcony, she didnt see my heroic feat, i hurt my foot, i limped over to meet her french friends, they liked to part, we drank, we laughed, we smoked, we drank, i invited her to m place, she said she'd catch up. i went to freshen up in my bathroom, drank....and woke up 7hours later hugging the ceramic bowl with 3 messages and 2 missed calls... dam.

now i'm hung over wearing a singlet i cut out of a beatles t-shirt on my way to a bossini casting. safe to say i'm wasting my time cause i look like a waster.

new residency on struggle st

more news from no where;

last thur's i had to fly back to melbourne to shoot for the flamboyant Mr Peter Alexander, had a bit of fun, pretty girls in their pajama's... couldn't complain.

Got back to my parents, took off my clothes got into bed, got a phone call, put on clothes got out of bed... my friends may or may not have made moonshine and may or may not have made me drink it. the next day; hung over hung up, hung down, got a call from my sydney agency.

"josh, what are you doing?"

"washing my face with moonshine and clean underwear"

"why the fuck are you doing that?"

"its the most sterile thing in this house"

"get on a plane you have a shoot tomoro morning"

fuck.

another seedy plane flight to sydney, straight to a shoot with Harold David. it involved getting butt naked and wearing a lady gaga head piece in a room full of dudes... not much different from the night before. i'm broke for the next 2weeks and have to fly back and suprise my friend to make a speech at his 21st and last chance to try win over the melbourne girl i left before she leaves for europe.

more news from no where

well this industry is a far cry from the physically challenging and more of a mental joust of who can stab who in the back, smile and see how far they drive in the knives before someone has the balls to retaliate. in my simple life of melbourne i had my boys and everything was said as it was seen "josh...your pissing on crown casino doors and a monopoly get out of jail free card wont get you out of trouble this time" but in.... (cringe) the "fashion industry" its fashionable for people to play the role of a bitch form the mean girls cast (i have older sisters... and its an interesting glimpse into the female psyche)

anywho all i know is i know nothing at all... but what i do know is its a dog eat dog world and i have bigger teeth than you.

so my "friend" stabbed me in the back. real friends stab each other in the front. i don't care, its fine, what ev's, i'm a huge fan of revenge, it isn't sinking to their level its standing up for yourself. i'm not just a dumb house painter, if you want an intellectual battle i'm not backing down cause your dumb enough to put your gossip ahead of your career.

they've been playing checkers. i've been playing chess. fucking watch me

got my mojo working but it..just dont work on you

moving career's, cities, away from friends and the girl i was crushing on to chase vanity and immortality in the photographic sense is a vain (dorian grey) thing to do. i know this but i figure we only live once and i'm well aware that looks and money fade but at the end of the day, when im an old man i want to be able to tell my friends and (god forbid) my children that i never let reality get in the way of a good time. i was told by my mum about 5weeks ago "do a building apprenticeship you'll never make anything of yourself modelling" to which i replied. "fucking watch me". i don't want this so much to spite the woman who provided nutritious breast milk so much as i want to be able to look back and never lose the cheeky fucker attiutde that all boys get into trouble with "You Can't" will always be replied with "FUCKING. WATCH. ME"

fresh laundry, same bad habits

oi oi this is privacy getting raped. its as if the internets asked "does this smell like chlorophyll?" and had its way with me. this is a small career step, to make you follow, trip, stumble and fall with me. last week i was a melbourne country house painter, this week i've been chopped and changed into a sydney male model for mens division, 2 tattoo'd english men who used to represent kate moss and robbie williams overseas have come to aust to make something of an international modelling agency choosing a few cheeky lucky fuckers to make them money and throw our faces on your fashion labels, products and if we have a few too many soups probably your pillow.